Pick Your Poison: Upcoming Trashy Movie Writing Schools

Trashy Tuesdy Movie Banner

Every now and then, my flatemate and I argue about whose responsible for the ongoing #TrashyTuesdayMovie phenomenon. I say the blame is entirely his, since he’s the one who maintains the schedule and the associated wiki and generally makes sure that we have copies of the movie. He blames me on account of the fact that I continue to show up and tweet every week, and I keep talking it up among people I know. Also, that people I know keep adding fucking films to the list.

I think, with the creation of a banner graphic to accompany this post, I have officially lost the argument. Not that it’s a great banner, nor even likely to be the final version, but I was having a slow evening and felt the need to crack open photoshop.

Tonight we’re going to kick off the first of Six goddamn Josh Kirby films, which I gather are actually one long film that’s been broken up into arcs. We both blame Jason Fischer for this, since we didn’t even know Josh Kirby existed until he foisted Quest of the Delta Knights on us, which led to some furious IMDB searching in order to keep ourselves from nodding off while watching the film. The lead of Delta Knights went on to make Josh Kirby. So did a young Charisma Carpenter.

That wasn’t what sold us on the series. We were totally lured in by the titles: Josh Kirby: Planet of the Dino-Knights; Josh Kirby: The Human Pets; Josh Kirby: Trapped in Toyworld. We fell for this ’cause we’re suckers. And ’cause the titles are fucking awesome.

If you’d care to join us, we’ll be kicking off the twitter-slaught from 7:30 Brisbane time. If you hit the #TrashyTuesdayMovie tag, you should be able to find whoever has gathered for this week’s hi-jinx.

That’s not what I’m posting about.

I’m posting ’cause I need your help.

Y’see, I kinda had fun writing up the #TrashyTuesdayWritingSchool post for Robot Jox last week, and it seems that a bunch of people enjoyed it enough to share the link around. So I’m thinking I’ll write a couple more of them – I’m not sure how many yet, but I figure I can keep going until I get bored or start repeating myself.

But there’s no fucking way I’m writing a series of posts about the Josh Kirby series until we’re done watching it, lest the posts consist primarily of me writing don’t sell me a movie that is not a finished goddamn movie.

So I need you to cast an eye over the other #TrashyTuesdayMovies we’ve watched and pick a handful you’d like to see written up. You can go spend some quality time on the wiki where we archive the tweets if you want to get a feel for what we thought when we watched them/figure out what will cause me the most pain, but realistically you can probably make some solid choices using the following list (sorted by theme and date we watched the movie):

Pre-‘theme’ Films

Conan (2011 version) (17 Apr 2012)
Hawk the Slayer (24 Apr 2012)
Wing Commander (1 May 2012)
Suckerpunch (8 May 2012)

Red films

Red Sonja (15 May 2012)
RED (22 May 2012)
Red Dawn (29 May 2012)

Horror Game Adaptations

Doom (5 Jun 2012)
Resident Evil (12 Jun 2012)
House of the Dead (19 Jun 2012)

Fighting Game Adaptations

DOA (26 Jun 2012)
Tekken (3 Jul 2012)
Double Dragon (10 Jul 2012)

Cyberpunks

Hackers (17 Jul 2012)
Johnny Mnemonic (24 Jul 2012)
Strange Days (31 Jul 2012)

Fantasy ‘Epics’

Beastmaster (7 Aug 2012)
Krull (14 Aug 2012)
Kull the Conqueror (21 Aug 2012)

Queen Soundtracks

Flash Gordon (28 Aug 2012)
Highlander (4 Sep 2012)

Special Challenge Week

Quest for the Delta Knights (11 Sep 2012)

Star Films

Battle Beyond the Stars (18 Sep 2012)
The Last Starfighter (25 Sep 2012)
Starcrash (2 Oct 2012)

Your Kung Fu is Weak

American Ninja (16 Oct 2012)
Gymkata (23 Oct 2012)
The One (30 Oct 2012)

Population Control

Zardoz (6 Nov 2012)
Hell Comes to Frogtown (13 Nov 2012)
Logan’s Run (20 Nov 2012)

Wrestlers!

They Live (27 Nov 2012)
Santa’s Slay (4 Dec 2012)
Ready to Rumble (11 Dec 2012)

Merry Brucemas

The Fifth Element (18 Dec 2012)
Die Hard (with bonus Die Hard 2 action) (25 Dec 2012)
Hudson Hawk (1 Jan 2013)

Not So Super

Justice League of America (1997) (8 Jan 2013)
Generation X (15 Jan 2013)
Fantastic Four (22 Jan 2013

They Came to Earth

Beastmaster 2 (29 Jan 2013)
Masters of the Universe (5 Feb 2013)
Super Mario Bros (12 Feb 2013)

Super-Cars

Speed Racer (19 Feb 2013)
Death Race 2000 (26 Feb 2013)
Black Moon Rising (5 Mar 2013)

Ophidiophobia Goes AWOL

Boa vs Python (12 Mar 2013)
MegaPython vs Gatoroid (19 Mar 2013) 

I’m the ophidiaphobe in question here, so both these films are off the menu. Sorry, but watching these will fuck me up in ways it’s better not to talk about in public.

Undead and Undressed

Return of the Living Dead (26 Mar 2013)
Zombie Strippers (2 Apr 2013)
Zombie Lake (9 Apr 2013)

Slacker SF

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (16 Apr 2013)
Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (23 Apr 2013)
Repo Man (30 Apr 2013)

Future Sports

Salute of the Jugger (7 May 2013)
Rollerball (2002) (14 May 2013)
Robot Jox (21 May 2013) Excluded on the grounds that it’s already written up

And that’s the list of options. Pick you poison, if you’re so inclined, and I’ll see if I can dredge some writing lessons worth learning from your trashy movies of choice. And to get around the first comment my flatmate is going to make, “All of them” is a perfectly valid choice (albeit one that will likely leave you disappointed).

  8 comments for “Pick Your Poison: Upcoming Trashy Movie Writing Schools

  1. 28/05/2013 at 9:49 AM

    Krull.
    They Live.
    Suckerpunch.

    Yes, I totally picked the last one to make you froth at the mouth 🙂

    • petermball
      28/05/2013 at 10:29 AM

      I put together notes for Suckerpunch three days ago, based on the assumption that someone (probably you) would pick it.

      • 28/05/2013 at 11:51 AM

        There's possibly some value in doing all 3 "Star" movies in one hit, especially given the debt they all owe to Star Wars? (possibly add Masters of the Universe to that too)

        Speed Racer & Highlander for (mis-)use of flashbacks?

  2. 28/05/2013 at 10:26 AM

    Suckerpunch has to be one of them to watch the implosion.

    Flash Gordon should be another because it has a soundtrack by Queen (can a good soundtrack overcome dodgy writing?)

    Justice League to show how a good idea can be so abysmally butchered on screen. Not that I have an opinion either way.

  3. maggiedot
    28/05/2013 at 11:08 AM

    Return of the Living Dead
    The Last Starfighter

    The last one chosen, because I was one of those kids that loved it growing up (and admittedly own it now), but have spent way too much time trying to dissect its multiple failures as a story, so it'd be nice to see it all compiled in one place. XD

  4. 29/05/2013 at 12:44 AM

    The Fifth Element
    They Live
    I'm morbidly curious to know what lessons can be wrestled from Zardoz
    And others have already nominated Suckerpunch.

  5. Nicky
    29/05/2013 at 11:09 AM

    I am amused by how so many others have already nominated Suckerpunch, so I shall leave it to them.

    My list.

    Zombie Strippers (because then you have to watch it again)
    Flash Gordon or Highlander because they use the music.
    3rd choice – any from the Horror Game Adaptations since none of them ever seem to really "work" or make a decent transition to screen.

    Oh & now re-reading other comments, am disturbed that I have chosen as no. 2 the same as my other half. Really. Disturbing.

    Though not as disturbing as The Movie That Didn't FINISH last night. It just. Stopped. o_O

  6. Sean
    06/06/2013 at 4:36 AM

    Zardoz.

    Gneh gneh gneh gneh gneh – snort!

    Also Doom, but the rule is you have to keep calling him Lieutenant McShootyPaws all the way through your analysis.

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